The Search
I have searched seemingly a thousand times the depths of my mind for that eternal love that calls out to me- and upon my search I am left with an emptiness that struggles for my identity. Often I have cried knowing that I am not alone- but the bleeding within runs far beyond the yearning that fuels me. Why am I choosing to chase the darkness that leads me in tunnels of despair with destruction that is far more damaging than any chaos I am able to breed? Have I yet to understand that the mere image of me being a man is a cause of a war?
Am I so content with disobedience that I rather die loving sin, which covers me in filth and pretends to love? Allow me Lord to reach my arms to you God, knowing that your love can overcome any illusion that ties me down to circumstances that pours savage behavior that is far less than what you’ve called of my life.
I have searched every square mile turning over the rocks of my life that have deceived me in believing that I am nothing more than worthlessness. I have found myself chasing myself down corridors that never end—where the halls are full with confusion and doors of illusion that would choose to imprison me from all possibility. I can still hear wicked voices falsely prophesizing the destiny of my life- and not knowing that all I had to do was choose you God, and the ugliness that tried to sow in me would have been shielded by your armor.
These tears that weep innocently in me beckons for your love- I am ready. I am ready. This pain I can bare no more. I pray that you save me from my own wretchedness because I am not strong enough to overcome any of my wickedness without you. I am willing God, but only you can make me able. What must I do to sit at your table and drink the wine of your life? Do I believe that your son Jesus died on the cross for me? I do. Am I willing to accept him as my Lord and Savior? I am. Do I believe he rose on the third day with all power in his hand? I do. Am I willing to humbly submit my entire life to Him? I Am. Rescue me God. Rescue me God. Rescue me God. I pray that you tame the fire of my sinful nature - that keeps me from becoming the man that I am.
Feeling God
I am falling deeper within the depths of my soul. I am drifting beyond the barriers of my thinking not knowing where I will end. Perhaps I shall discover me- and the understanding of my spirituality. The day seems longer and the signs are stronger than the minute before- the hour that once was-I feel this incredible love. Yesterday I was afraid to lay my head upon the firmness of your arms, which are strong like a wind on a hurricane day. You have begun to sit inside me. I feel your soul clinging to my spirit which eats away the evil that tries to confuse me.
In your hand is my heart- my joy- everything that could be of me- because of you I am able to live. God I am free when I am with thee. No longer is my life like a blind spot on a fast car traveling without rules, journey, or purpose. I see and hear clearly, now. The blue in the sky- the white of clouds- even the chirping that sings softly from the robin that sits on the weeping willow outside my window.
I feel you reaching for me- calling me- coaching me to that place- where the halls are of men whose might and fight were heavier than my own- and as I think I am sitting alone you are here- quietly sitting beside me not saying one word but listening like a lion on prey. I can sense your presence like the soft melody of harps string that tickles the soul so eloquently that the spirit inside cries- Holy. Holy. You come innocently like a buttercup in full spring, radiantly blossoming through the awakening of a fresh spring day. I hear your whispering in my ear. “Child. It is time that you become saved. Wash in the full well of my love that poured down a rugged limb of timber that sprung forth for my arrival. Did you not know the very branch I hung to die- was prepared thousands of years before my arrival so that you might have life?”
I can feel your hands easing through my chest, and feeling like a vacuum sucking deep in the corridor of my heart that halted me of being a man. I understand. I cannot stop the tears from falling. I cannot stop you from calling me. As my hands begin to shake-, the pain begins to break inside- there is this sensational sigh of joy that cannot be ignored for it is greater than birth. I do believe you. Hold me Lord. I yearn for you God. I pray that you continue to nurture my soul-, as I know it is not mine to own. For I realize that I am on borrowed time until you call me- home.
Soft and Gentle
Gentle beauty; how do I encounter you? May I dress your heart with my love, and place upon you the finest that the world has to offer. Allow me to stretch my hands to you, and escort you to a riverbed full with pink pearls ready for your picking. Can I once more stare in your eyes and be taken away to that place where imagination breathes. Are you willing to permit me to place my hand on your heart and offer you the very sense of my identity?
Gentle beauty; how do I encounter you? May I take you on a journey where thought is formed? Is it possible to place your breath inside of me so that we may always feel the warmth and peace that we each bring? Have you not realized that your love has carried me over the hills where ego has I always dared to go? Let me kneel before you so that you may climb on my back, and I may give my last strength to protect you.
Gentle beauty; how do I encounter you? I am prepared to strip myself down to the center of my soul so that you may gaze beyond the corridor of my exterior and see me as the simple man I am. Gladly I covenant my entire life with you. There is no pain that can slash my spirit away. Through joy and hurt, I will stand strong that our love may forever be secure. Gentle beauty; how do I encounter you? How do I encounter you?
Is it possible to place your breath inside of me so that we may always feel the warmth and peace that we each bring?
In A Moments Calm
In a moments calm, Silence played a fiddle to my thoughts. I am engaged in the imagining of Romance throwing pebbles at my heart while listening to the sweet sounds of the wind singing outside my window. I can still feel the heat of your laughter warming me like the gentle settling of a sunray above a mountains peek. Your voice innocently holds to Whisper’s door and you casually walked in my life.
In a moments calm, Thinking has grabbed me by the hand and escorted me through the path of feeling satisfaction in having achieved desire. I feel this tenderness cuddling my past and there you are standing just beyond New Beginnings gate. Gradually, I begin to walk. The distance is almost unbearable, But Chance taps me on my shoulder and eloquently whispers in my ear.
“ Have faith in new friends. Do not be afraid. Time holds you. Let go of Yesterday hanging of your heart and embrace the coming of a new. No longer will you allow Bitter to hold you or blind you from seeing what could very well be your joy. Feel my warmth and you will receive pleasure beyond your imagination.”
In a moments calm, I take that step. I am walking, walking, and walking. Your hands are in my reach. The glow from your smile brightens the dark that covers my soul. The glitter of your eyes is like the twinkling of stars from the darkest blue sky. Your presence is felt even before you are received. “ Hear my words.” You say. “ To God I pray that he bestows upon your heart joy with someone worthily of the compassion you try and hide so well.” I listened to you like a schoolboy, and the honesty of your word touch me in such a way that tears began to fall. Again, in my heart, there is feeling; I had not felt in years.
“Have faith in new friends. Do not be afraid. Time holds you. Let go of Yesterday hanging of your heart and embrace the coming of a new.
Brown Eyes
Beautiful brown eyes I am mesmerized by your beauty. How can I not want to spend the rest of my life with you? Can you not feel that your love heals me like an exotic herb? Are you aware that you offer me an essence of sensuality that rips deep within the corridors of my being? Every moment we share provides a sense of love, a level hope that strengthens our journey. With you, I am full with possibility. Let us take hold the reigns of life together and course the path of honesty, which offers an eternal gift of friendship. Are you not aware that God has surrendered you to me and I to you through heavenly spirituality?
Beautiful brown eyes you have rescued me, and taken me to a place of paradise where there is even glitter on the air. In you I can clearly see how God brings together the lost of two souls once trapped by the wickedness of society. So many years I feared my heart would be denied love because I chose to believe that offering me emotionally would destroy everything that defines me.
But today I stoop down before you and I pray that you continue to hold my hand as we prepare to approach the unknown- where so many have looked upon but refuse to travel. No longer will I stand outside the doors of love that breed nothing more than resentment and arrogance. No longer will I fight a useless pretence that leads me living a life of sin and unreachable expectations. In this hour, I will deny every lie told to surrender my heart - my identity is lost and hopeless.
Beautiful brown eyes I offer all of me to you with the belief God gives us more, and he holds the key that provides us with the miracles of freedom. Beautiful brown eyes I am mesmerized by your beauty. Thank you for wanting to take this hour of life with me.
Every moment we share provides a sense of love, a level hope that strengthens our journey.
